The Great Escape, Part Two
If you are in an abusive relationship, what now? How do you get out?
Last month, I started to write about abuse and how to escape it (click here to read it). I strongly encourage anyone who believes they are being abused to carefully examine their situation.
If you are in an abusive relationship, it’s time to make a plan to get to safety. I will address this assuming that you are not in immediate danger of physical harm.
So … What now? How do you get out? Who’s guarding the gates? What is the risk of getting caught? Where do you go? Who can you rely on to help? And the biggest question of all; do you want to get out?
The first step will be to find a trusted friend of your gender who will absolutely hold your plans in confidence. Choose carefully! You want to find someone who will under no circumstances share your plans before – during – or after your escape. If you don’t have a friend or someone you know and trust, find an organization that specializes in this area (some suggestions will be at the end of this article).
Once this person is identified, start to put resources in place that will enable you to continue life as smoothly as possible once you leave. This should include clothing, medicine (if you or any children are on a prescription, you should have a supply on hand in your survival kit), money (in cash – abusers will make funds in bank accounts unavailable when they realize you’ve left), a spare phone (yours should be turned off and left behind in case your abuser has installed tracking apps), a list of contacts you can trust, spare car keys, and important documents (social security card – birth certificate(s) - etc.).
Pick a date but be prepared to enact your plan early in case there are changes in your situation. Once you begin to execute your plan, do not go back. If you do, it will serve to bolster the abusers’ sense of control and could expose you to even more intense abuse.
You should greatly limit or completely stop your activity on any social media platform. This includes some photo apps (like Google Photos) and even Google Maps.
Limit the number of people and entities that have your contact information and location. Remember, only share your location with people you absolutely trust. Another thing to consider when sharing information is to avoid exposing your friends and family to harassment. Considering that abusers will sometimes contact people or organizations familiar to you and sweet talk, bully or threaten them to get your information. When possible, use passwords or keywords with businesses to further protect your information. Be prepared for your abuser to show up at your job, gym, and special events.
Do not be afraid to report harassment, stalking or any violent threatening behavior to police. Your fears in doing so are the things abusers count on and the very things that keep you imprisoned to them.
Once you leave, take control and do not relinquish it. In the beginning, it is probably better to avoid meeting with your abuser in person at all. If you do eventually begin having meetings, never go alone and always be in a place where other people are present. Remember, if there is no reason to meet, don’t. If you are leaving for good, do it, and don’t look back.
Avoid quick reinvolvement. Many abused people fall into the trap of perceived loneliness and become involved in a new relationship in a few months or even weeks. We’ll discuss this more in a future blog. For now, be kind to yourself. Take a short trip, go to a spa, visit relatives. The point is to have a taste of ‘freedom’ without having to walk the line.
For counseling services:
· Renewinglife.net
· Laspinacounseling.com
· Get a referral from your insurance company
To get help:
· S.A.F.E. House, Inc. - Safehousenv.org
· Safe Nest - Safenest.org
· Nevada211.org – OR – dial 211 on your cellphone.
· 9-1-1