Two Sides of the Same Road

There is an old story about how our perceptions shape our experiences. I am not sure of the origin of the story, but here it goes…

A traveler was walking into a new town and he encounters an older gentleman rocking in a chair on his front porch. The traveler asks, “What kind of town is this? Is it friendly? Is it a good place to settle?” The man replies, “Tell me about the town you just came from.” The traveler says, “It was a wonderful town, full of friendly people, I hated to leave it.” The old man on the porch says to the traveler, “I think you will find this town very similar to the town you came from, welcome.” About ten minutes later another traveler comes down the road and asks the same question. The old man once again asks the traveler, “What kind of town did you come from?” This traveler answers differently. “It was a horrible town, the people who live there are rude and unfriendly and I couldn’t wait to leave.” The old man says, “Unfortunately, I think you will find this town the same as the one you just came from. I don’t think this will be a good place for you to settle.

So, what gives? Why the two different descriptions of the same town? The old man showed great wisdom in his answers: How you generally perceive the world, your tendency to look at either the positives or negatives, will greatly and profoundly influence how you experience life.

As I work with clients, I occasionally ask them to imagine a road. On the left side of the road is everything negative in life and on the right side is everything positive. We then consider some unalterable truths about the positives and negatives on each side of the road:

·      There will never be a time when there are not some negative things on the left side of the road.

·      There is never going to be a time when there are not some positive things on the right side.

·      Our life will never be all positive or all negative. It is a fallacy to believe that a day is coming in this life when all things will be all good or all bad.

·      WHICH SIDE OF THE ROAD YOU PREDOMINANTLY FOCUS ON WILL HAVE A PROFOUND EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE AND YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH.

One of my favorite Bible passages is Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things” (emphasis, mine). Paul is telling us that what we think about matters. He urges us to put our minds on things that are good and positive. Again, your life is always a mixture of things that are good and helpful and things that are upsetting and hurtful. Where you choose to focus on a daily basis will have a greater impact on your life than almost any other decision you make.

So, allow me to suggest a few practices to get your mind focused on the positive side of the road:

1.    Gratitude journal: One of the most powerful practices for focusing on the good in life is to write down things you are grateful for on a daily or weekly basis. Big things, small things, it doesn’t matter. It will do your brain, and your life good.

2.    Break the rumination loop: When you find your brain ruminating on something negative and you are having a hard time getting yourself to stop, research suggests you should change where you are and what you are doing in order to focus on something different. This helps our brain switch gears and short-circuits the negative loop.

3.    Acts of kindness: Doing something kind for someone else is a powerful way to help our minds focus on the positive side of the road.