The (Lost?) Art of Lament

What do you do when you are in pain?  What do you do when what has happened to you, or to others in the world seems so senseless? 

In 1996, I experienced the unexpected loss of one of my best friends.  What made the loss so tragic was that he was the victim of a school shooting at Purdue University, while doing his job as a residence hall counselor.  I found myself in this place of shock, confusion, and pain.  In crisis mode, I continued doing my job as a campus minister and helping everyone else who was hurting: our friends, his family, his fiancé.  There was a place for that, but there was some deeper personal grieving that I needed to do.

Something God’s word gives us, particularly in places like the Psalms, to help us in our pain and confusion is the powerful practice of lamenting.  What does it mean to lament?  The Oxford Dictionary defines lament as: “A passionate expression of grief or sorrow.” What we see in the Bible, in the practice of lamenting, is that such passionate expressions of grief and sorrow are expressed to God.  

In his excellent book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, Mark Vroegop writes that biblical laments tend to follow this pattern: 1) Turn (addressing God), 2) Complain (expressing the pain), 3) Ask (a request to God), and 4) Trust (an expression of trust or praise) … “each step of lament is part of a pathway toward hope.”[1]  

You don’t have to go very far in the Psalms before finding a lament that fits this pattern.  One of many things to love about the Psalms is that you have so many relatable and authentic expressions of emotions and experiences that then conclude with expressions of trust and hope in God. 

The fourth-century African theologian Athanasius wrote this about the book of Psalms: “Whatever your particular need or trouble, from this same book (the Psalms) you can select a form of words to fit it, so that you…learn the way to remedy your ill.”[2]

Years later in the sixteenth century, John Calvin would write regarding the Psalms: “for there is not an emotion of which anyone can be conscious that is not here represented as in a mirror…the Holy Spirit has here drawn to the life all the griefs and sorrows, fears, doubts, hopes, cares, perplexities, in short, all the distracting emotions with which the minds of men are agitated.”[3]

The point is, you and I can find help in the Psalms (particularly the lament Psalms) when we are in pain. Lamenting means expressing our loss, loneliness, grief, confusion, anger, fear, and failures to God.  You can lament specifically to the God who already knows you, what you are going through, and loves you. 

I will never forget the late-night walk I took around a very large Purdue University campus the night the shooting happened.  I prayed pouring out my pain to God, expressing my confusion, and asking God a lot of questions.  By the time my walk was finished, I wasn’t over the loss of my friend nor did I feel better, but God brought me to a place of trusting him.  I now realize that what I did during that time was lamenting.  In lamenting God helped me with what happened and began to lead me on the pathway toward hope.

[1] Vroegop, Mark. Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament, (Wheaton: Crossway, 2019), p. 29.

[2] Athanasius, Letter to Marcellinus on the Psalms.

[3] Calvin, John. Commentary on the Psalms.