The Creature Within

Have you thought that you might benefit from an anger management class?

Does my suggesting that make you … angry?

Let’s talk about what I call the “creature within.” The “creature” is anger. Sometimes explosive, sometimes uncontrollable, usually destructive. Destructive to our relationships, security, and our spirit in general. We don’t come by it accidentally. It’s a ‘God given’ emotion. The question: Is it useful? Is it necessary? Does it serve a purpose in our daily lives?

As we go about our day, things happen. We are faced with an almost continuous stream of situations, discussions, and events as we experience the “timeline” of our days. Some of the things we face are less pleasant than others. We could rate each on a scale of zero to ten with zero being the most unpleasant and ten being an “I’ve won the lottery” moment.

The “tens” in our lives are easy to deal with. But what do we do with the threes or the ones and zeros? If we feel unsupported, alone, abandoned, or unequipped to deal with those issues, what then? We might just want to get rid of whatever the stressor is. If we lash out in frustration, and the source of the trouble goes away, we might feel relief. This feeling can be habit forming in that the anger has served a purpose.

People will back away, go other places for help, or just let the issue lie unresolved. But we need to ask ourselves; do we want people to leave us alone? Do we want to be excluded from the list of those approachable people that other’s come to for sage advice? Do we want to ignore potentially important issues that arise as we go through life? Probably not.

You see, anger fools us into thinking that these issues just go away when in reality they just bounce down the timeline and re-present themselves again in the future, usually wedged between two other equally unpleasant issues.

So, what can I do if I find myself acting out with excessive, damaging anger? First, adopt a “wait state.” This takes some recognition of what triggers your anger. Once you recognize those things, I encourage the wait state until you can identify the real emotion. You see, anger is like the leading edge of a wave. There is generally something behind it pushing it along. Identify that emotion (disappointment, resentment, stress…) and address it with a focus on solving the problem rather than making it go away.

You may not be able to completely stop these responses overnight, but with practice and focus the goal is to minimize the intensity and duration of them.

In the end, if you’re challenged with any level of anger and it negatively effects aspects of your life, seek out anger management groups and individual counseling. You won’t be disappointed. And the people closest to you will appreciate the effort and welcome change.

Need help with your anger? Contact the Renewing Life Center to set up an appointment with one of our compassionate therapists who can coach you in managing your anger and understanding the real source of it.

Jeff LaSpina, M.A., LCPC