I Should Have Said

In the last two months I’ve lost two relatives, both younger than me.

I realized I had not spoken to either of them recently. Partly because I am a horrible correspondent, and partly because of the pandemic.

As I think of these two family members, I realize that I had the feeling that they would always be there. That I would have another conversation, another meal, another celebratory drink.

As a chaplain, I have officiated my fair share of funerals. I look at these people, soon after they lost someone with whom they probably thought they had a lot more time. In their eyes, I see the disbelief at the prospect of going on here on earth without that person’s presence, without hearing their voice, without feeling their touch. 

In the back of my Bible, I wrote a note. I haven’t used it in a funeral message, mostly because it’s probably too personal. I wrote it, nevertheless, with those people in mind. I read it now more often, because I need to be reminded that we should be sure we never walk away from any soul entrusted to us by God leaving anything un-said or un-expressed. 

Here’s what I wrote: “There will come a time in the lives of all individuals when they will look in each other’s eyes for the last time. They will not know it but that will be the time when one is called home and the other is left behind. At that moment none of the things of the earth will be important. What will be important is what one did to bring the other closer to the father. The master is coming home, what did you do with the souls entrusted to you?”

At one memorial, I noted that many of the people in attendance had not seen each other in years, and probably would not see each other ever again. I mentioned that the deceased was their link and encouraged them to stay in touch to honor their absent friend. 

With this advice in mind, I have made a personal ‘self-promise’ and I encourage all to do the same: Reconnect with someone. You could pick up the phone, write an email, send a text, send a card, have coffee, drop in, take a road trip, or buy a plane ticket. It might be to connect with your parent, in-laws, estranged child, ex-spouse, sibling, or high school buddy. Thank someone for that little act of kindness from all those years ago. They might not remember, or they will be shocked that you did. Do it now, before the time comes that you can’t see their shock and awe that you’re standing at their front door or inviting them to lunch. 

Leave no unfinished business.