Help! My Kids are Freaking Out!
Are you worried about your kids?
Do they lose their cool regularly?
Are they able to regulate their emotions?
Do they seem to be struggling with anger or anxiety?
You are not alone! Many parents feel ill-equipped to deal with their children’s emotions. "Flipping your lid" is a term used in psychology to describe a state of intense emotional dysregulation where the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is responsible for executive functioning, is essentially shut down. When someone "flips their lid," they are no longer able to think rationally or make sound decisions. Instead, they may react impulsively and emotionally to situations that normally wouldn't bother them.
If your kids are freaking out, it's important to stay calm and provide them with the support they need to manage their emotions. Here are some tips:
1. Validate their feelings: Let your kids know that it's okay to feel upset or scared. Validate their emotions by acknowledging how they're feeling and letting them know that you're there to support them.
2. Help them identify the source of their distress: Ask your kids what's bothering them and listen to their concerns. This can help them feel heard and understood, which can help reduce their anxiety.
3. Encourage them to take deep breaths: Deep breathing is a simple and effective way to calm down. Encourage your kids to take slow, deep breaths and count to five as they inhale and exhale.
4. Offer comfort: Sometimes all kids need is a hug or a reassuring touch to help them feel better. Offer comfort and reassurance as needed.
5. Distract them with a calming activity: Engage your kids in a calming activity, such as coloring, reading a book, or listening to music. This can help take their mind off their distress and provide a sense of calm.
6. Give them some space: If your child has flipped his or her lid, take a break from the interaction and allow time for self-soothing. Many families find it helpful to create a way to say, “Stop, I’m flooded.” This can be a hand signal or a safe word to let each other know when they are flooded or to show the need for a break. To be effective, the break must be at least twenty minutes long, because the major sympathetic neurotransmitters don’t have enzymes to degrade them, and they have to be diffused through the blood, which takes about twenty minutes.
7. Seek professional help: If your child's distress is ongoing or interfering with their daily life, it may be helpful to seek help at the Renewing Life Center. We have several clinicians who specialize in working with children and teens.
Remember, it's normal for kids to experience strong emotions and occasional freakouts. With the right support and tools, they can learn to manage their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.
Jennifer Antonucci, M.A., LMFT, LCADC