How to Set Healthy Boundaries for Holiday Stress
When my kids were growing up, we had a family tradition of going to my parent’s house during the week between Christmas and New Year’s. My family, and my sister and brother and their spouses and kids, would spend the week together at Grandma and Grandpa’s. It was great! And it was terrible. There would be laughter and joy, and tears and chaos. Inevitably someone would leave the door open, and a cat would escape, causing my parents great anxiety and leading to searches in the woods with flashlights.
Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and every other holiday is almost always right around the corner! Are you ready? I’m not asking if you have enough food or have done your holiday shopping. I mean: Are you ready spiritually, emotionally, relationally?
My goal is to help you come up with a game plan for a successful holiday season, whatever holiday it may be. I want you to enjoy the holidays instead of saying, “When will this be over? When do the kids go back to school? When will my in-laws leave?” Here are some things you can do to set yourself up for success.
11 Keys to a Stress-Less Holiday
Set Clear Expectations: Communicate your expectations for the holiday season early on. Let your family members know what you're comfortable with and what your limitations are.
Practice Saying No: It's important to learn how to say no without feeling guilty. If you're not comfortable with something or you feel overwhelmed, politely decline, and explain your reasons.
Communicate Openly and Honestly: If there are specific topics or conversations that make you uncomfortable, communicate your feelings calmly and respectfully. Express your thoughts and feelings while being mindful of others' perspectives.
Set Physical Boundaries: Respect your personal space and encourage others to do the same. If you need some time alone, communicate this clearly and find a private space where you can relax and recharge.
Set Emotional and Relational Boundaries by Practicing Emotional Detachment: Try to detach emotionally from situations that you cannot control or change. Focus on accepting what you cannot change and redirecting your energy toward things you can. I’m ok, you’re not ok, it’s ok. Healthy detachment doesn't mean shutting down emotionally or avoiding all difficult situations. It means maintaining a balance between caring for yourself and engaging with the world around you in a way that promotes your well-being and mental health.
Have an Exit Strategy: Plan an exit strategy in case you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable during family gatherings. This could be a signal to your partner or a close friend to help you leave gracefully if necessary.
Prioritize Self-Care: Make sure to prioritize your own well-being during this busy time. Take breaks, get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in activities that help you relax and recharge.
Create a Schedule: Plan your time and activities to avoid overcommitting yourself. Allocate specific times for family gatherings and personal downtime.
Practice Gratitude: Thank God for your family. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life and what you're grateful for can help shift your perspective and reduce attachment to negative emotions. Gratitude is the kryptonite of anxiety. Start a gratitude journal, memorize Bible verses, put sticky notes on your mirrors, etc.
Connect to God Daily: You might go for a walk while listening to worship music, read your Bible, or use a prayer journal.
Invite God and Others into the Mess: If family interactions become particularly challenging, seek support from a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Talking to someone outside the situation can provide valuable perspective and emotional support.
We are here for you! At the Renewing Life Center, we have a team of therapists available to help you. You are not alone! Book an appointment and begin your journey to a healthier, happier you.
Jennifer Antonucci, M.A., LMFT, LCADC