Forgiveness: Your Path to Freedom

When I was ten years old, I had some problems with a friend. Instead of talking to her about my feelings, I hit her in the head with a baton. Eleven years later I saw her at my bridal shower, and she showed me the scar I left on her forehead. It’s a permanent reminder of that dreadful day.

How about you? Do you have scars from someone? Maybe they are visible like my poor friend’s, or they might be hidden and emotional in nature? Or, like me, have you left scars on someone else? Have you hurt someone physically, emotionally, relationally, sexually, or spiritually?

According to dictionary.com the word forgive means (1) to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve. (2) to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.). (3) to grant pardon to (a person). (4) to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies. (5) to cancel an indebtedness or liability.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds overwhelming and scary to me. To be forgiven and to forgive are equally unsettling. I feel terrible for what I did to my friend’s forehead. The idea that she would forgive me feels wrong because what I did was awful. (Not to mention that she has a permanent reminder of what I did every time she looks in the mirror.) On the other hand, I have been hurt by a lot of people. I know what it’s like to be on the other end, wondering why someone would treat me so poorly, having scars both seen and unseen. 

As a therapist, I help people understand and process issues related to forgiveness on a regular basis. There’s so much relational pain and confusion tied to issues surrounding forgiveness. What is forgiveness? Do I have to forgive? Can I be forgiven? Does God forgive me?

I’m going to use my next few blogs to focus on forgiveness. I’ll talk about what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn’t. In the meantime, I want to leave you with this: Forgiveness is about freedom. The goal of forgiveness is freedom. Picture yourself on a hike wearing a backpack filled with bricks. The bricks represent all the dark memories, pain, and experiences of unforgiveness. Now picture yourself taking the bricks out of the backpack, one by one. The backpack begins to lighten, and you find it easier to walk; your back stops hurting. You suddenly have a skip in your step! The more bricks you release from the backpack, the more freedom you find, and the easier it is to complete the hike. This is the goal of forgiveness and, though it may not seem so, it’s a real possibility for you!

At the Renewing Life Center, we have a variety of counselors available to help you on your forgiveness journey. Click here to schedule an appointment today. You are not alone.