Communication Styles and Your Most Important Relationships

Do you ever wonder if your spouse or kids are intentionally trying to drive you crazy? Do you wonder why they are so different from you and whether you will ever be able to get along?

Earlier this month, I had the honor of attending a Capable Life Leadership Intensive in Colorado. It was such a wonderful experience. We learned about communication styles and how they impact our relationships. As a marriage and family therapist I am always interested in how we function in relationship with one another. How do we impact each other and what does health look like?

According to Steve Cuss and The Capable Life Team, there are three main types of communication styles.

1.        Rigid vs. Fluid Communicators:

Rigid communicators speak definitively. They sound sure of themselves and often use formal language with a focus on precision and detail. They are consistent in communication and may lack warmth or personal connection.

Fluid communicators tend to be more adaptable and open. They communicate more informally and may speak in a way that sounds like they are asking for advice when they actually know what they want. Clarity and consistency can be lacking, which may frustrate a rigid communicator.

2.        Rapid vs. Deliberative Thinkers:

Rapid thinkers process information quickly, make decisions swiftly, and are often comfortable with taking risks. They may rely more on intuition and gut feelings rather than extensive analysis. They tend to overlook important details, make hasty decisions without considering all factors, and be prone to errors or impulsivity.

Deliberative thinkers take their time to analyze information, weigh options carefully, and consider all aspects before making a decision. They value thoroughness and accuracy in their thinking process. They tend to take longer to reach a decision and may struggle with adapting quickly to rapidly changing situations.

3.        Internal vs. External Processors:

Internal processors tend to be more introspective and reflective in their communication style. They often prefer to process information internally before sharing their thoughts or ideas with others. They may take their time to formulate responses and prefer deeper, one-on-one conversations rather than large group discussions.

External processors are more likely to engage in external dialogue, sharing their thoughts and ideas openly and readily with others. They thrive in group settings, enjoying brainstorming sessions and collaborative problem-solving.

In my marriage, I am a fluid, deliberative, internal processor. My husband is a rigid, rapid, external processor. We couldn’t be more different! It’s challenging at times because sometimes it feels like we’re speaking two different languages.

Do you ever feel like you are right and everyone else is wrong? Do you get frustrated by your family because they are different from you?

Good news: It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about being different from one another. Learning how to accept and embrace the differences in your loved ones is the key to success.

Think about yourself. How would you describe yourself? You can be any combination of the above styles. How about your loved ones? In what ways are you similar and different? How can you use this information to bring health and healing to your relationships?

If you’d like to learn more about Capable Life, you can visit them at https://capablelife.me.

If you need help learning to communicate with people you love, we have therapists at the Renewing Life Center who can help! https://www.renewinglife.net/connect

Jennifer Antonucci, M.A., LMFT, LCADC